The Hours "I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. And I remember thinking to myself, 'So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts.' It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment... right then." From 1 am to 6 am of the new year, I was completely happy with life. With the right people around, there is always something to make you smile. Tequila shots and music don't hurt either. Happy 2005 to you, and you, and you and you and you! | |
this is just to say my trust in you is earned over time. i hate being disappointed. i hate even more the loss of trust. this is just to say, an apology is really not enough. |
| a friend's mother passed away this weekend, and i've finally been confronted with this: i can bear anybody's mortality except my Mom's. |
| I used to share everything with my mom as we headed home after work each day, slightly intoxicated from exhaustion. Tonight, I'm home for the new year, and together, she and I walked through college, love, life, recipes, hewlett packard, sex, and arthur miller. We came to two conclusions. I am utterly incapable of discussing work in a home environment. It stresses me out at a time when I would like to de-stress. We both wonder whether this is a symptom of family life ethics, or of repressed dissatisfaction. Our second conclusion is that I secretly like to be treated like a princess, but can only stand letting certain people do it. We both wonder whether this is a symptom of independence, or of choosy, elitist, and high expectations. Also, I've been happy with the people in my life. This year, I feel like I've chosen whom to surround myself with, rather than this decision being made for me. Though I wish I had more time. |
I first purchased Ani DiFranco's Revelling/Reckoning double CD during sophomore year of high school, just before I went off to Penn's Pre College sessions. It is still one of the most evocative albums I own. Its 29 tracks are cleaved like a disproportional sonnet: Revelling/Reckoning. Reservations/Resolution. At the end of the six weeks of Microeconomics, inflatable animals in the bathtub, Oreos and M&Ms, torturing hot Greek Cypriot RA's and poor poor Steeeeeeeeeeve, I knew the 29 tracks so well that I could replay the album in its entirety in my mind just by reading the lyrics. My reading pace would slow to the rhythm I had going in my head. Then, I didn't listen to the album for the next four years. It's evocative, as I've said. Personally, it evokes memories of me trying to define myself during sophomore year and being pretty conflicted as a result. Also, I lent the album to a friend for a year and a half, and by college, had moved on to a more upbeat indie pop scene. Ani DiFranco's earlier work was folk acoustic and sometimes punkish and even ska, but Revelling/Reckoning is much more mellow and filled out. Alot less echo. The piano and brass are also more noticeable. Over the weekend, I went back to Penn to pick up a few things that I needed at home, and picked up this album as well. However, I do stupid things when I'm running around trying to catch a train, and so while I brought home the jackets and the CD case, I left both the double CD's in my dorm. The thing with Ani DiFranco songs, though, is that her lyrics are some amazing poetry. Think the beauty of Bright Eyes lyrics, subtract out the annoying sniffling self-indulgent emo bullshit, substitute in really precise insights about society, cities, love, politics, and life, and you have yourself a great read for a trainride home. Bright Eyes doesn't even deserve to be in the same paragraph as Ani DiFranco. So, my bad. I really wish I could find an mp3 from this album to put on that playlist. I remember scrawling these lyrics all over my Microecon notebooks and the Dry Erase on our door. Four years later, the album is still amazing. Below, some of the most memorable lyrics: you walk through my walls like a ghost on tv you penetrate me but i guess that this is the price that we pay for the privilege of living for even a day in a world with so many things worth believing in i'm a good kisser and you¡¦re a fast learner and that kinda thing could float us for a pretty long time and win or lose just that we choose this little war is what kills us and either/or it's that this war is maybe also what thrills us cuz joy, it has its own justice and dreams are languid and lawless and everything bows to beauty when it is fierce and when it is flawless |
what matters right now, is does it make you happy? |
Mallam Sile, by Mohammed Naseehu Ali He managed to rid his heart of any ill feelings. He would wave his short arms to anyone who walked past his shop, and shout, by way of greeting, “How are the heavens with you, boy?” He called everyone “boy,” including women and older people, and he hardly ever uttered a sentence without referring to the heavens. What have I been up to? Udon. Sunshine. Bare arms. Outdoors. Secret garden. Almond tofu dessert. Orange and pink. Credit card. Mentee Jeanne. Banana Split. Half baked (cookies). EE Cummings. ... I've been happy! |
sestina |
April 2004 Whether it be good or bad, a piece of who I am is taken from me and distributed whenever I wave to somebody, smile at somebody, care, worry, scowl, yell, curse. I hate to give myself up to such random distribution, to be spread thin and to lose my core to so many superficial relationships. But isn't that our lot in life? - to seek friendly faces and comfortable relationships at the risk of losing control of ourselves? - at the cost of vulnerability? To me, friendship is still a threat that we cast over each other. Relationships are still a very fucking scary thing to me. I'm most comfortable being bubbly and smiling and waving hi. April 2005 a bad mood is fucking contagious. sorry, but if you're not a happy person, or johnny depp, then i'm not talking to you until you are. |
Having a Coke with You -- Frank O'Hara |
"your natural state is laughter" |
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